Up until a few months ago you have mastered (ok ok.. shall I say improved instead) the whole praying session with us and it seriously fills my heart up with joy. I love going to bed knowing we said our quick simple prayer. Sure there are nights where they slip away and we somehow forget to pray but you know what. I try to at least get you to say a quick "thank you" to Him every day. And I want you both to grow up believing in faith and thanking Him for all the blessings you two have and will continue to receive in your lives. I won't go into religion here because quite frankly, I don't have the energy at this moment to sit here and talk about what is right or wrong. There are sooooo many religion topics and beliefs. One day you both will come across different views and just offer your opinion and I hope to just guide you along the way. I just hope your little hearts remain thankful each and every day. That's all I ask. For you to grow up each day with a grateful heart full of love and compassion for others.
Here is one of my MANY favorite videos of you Mateo. I recorded it a few months ago of you praying for us as we were laying in bed. I can't take it!! Your little voice is just so stinkin adorable and I just want to eat you up every night when I hear you talk. Can you keep this voice forever??? hehe.
You two will forever be our greatest answered prayers.
If someone were to tell me 5, heck maybe even 2 years ago, that I would become a stay at home mom, I'd probably laugh in their face. And say "me?!? Um no way! Not for me. No thank you." Well... Here we are Sept 16, 2015 and Yup, I'm a stay at home momma to you both. Hahaha! Never say never right?? :)
With you Mattie, after my 3 month maternity leave was up, I had to go back to work. There was no question about it actually. Luckily your aunt Mari watched you for about a year I'd say and then we moved you to a daycare. Daycare was great! You learned a lot there and every day I was impressed with how well you were adjusting and just socializing with your little friends. It was too cute to witness how excited you would get when you brought home little art work. Of course I didn't like the part where you would get sick all of a sudden or the first incident with.... dare I say... Lice! <gasp> omg this was horrible! yeaaaa we'll leave those parts out shall we?? :) At the time we were paying 125.00 a week for them to watch you while your daddy and I went to work. It was fine. It was worth it. We could do it.
Then came pregnancy with Nico and as my due date approached this daycare business was becoming a concern. I have always joked with your daddy that I didn't want to work anymore. This was even before you Mattie. lol.. so he was always like "Yeaaaaa... how about no." hahaha. So one day I of course said it again and to my surprise he was like "You know what, that's fine. Stay home with the boys." whaaaaaaaaa?!?! really?!? Was I hearing right?? How would be able to afford it?!? me staying home and having only one income coming into the house?? Is it possible? Will it be a struggle? We started talking more and more as Nico was about to be born and weighed our options. It really wasn't much to discuss. Hmmm lets see... we could either a.) pay 2 daycare fees (which would be 125 plus 130 for a newborn) that's 255.00 a week.. FOR DAYCARE! That's 1020.00 a month FOR DAYCARE! That's 12,240 a year... FOR DAYCARE! ok you get the point. or b.) Stay home and just budget ourselves.
A lot of people don't have this privilege of staying home. And believe me, I thank God and my lucky stars for having this opportunity. So many would love to be in this position and not have to go to an employer. I won't say and "not have to work" because work is never done for any mom. Regardless if you leave your house or stay at home. So I didn't want to take anything for granted. I wanted to make sure we would be ok with this change. Your dad was in an amazing position in his business and I couldn't be more proud of him for his accomplishments. I hope you both see it every day the hard work he puts in for providing for us. His strive for success is one of a kind. So when he said it was ok and that we COULD do this. I trusted him. I knew he meant it. I knew that he wouldn't say yes if it wasn't the right choice. You will see and become a witness to your dad's ambition for things in life. When he puts his mind to something, ooooeeeee watch out! He's going to do it!
Anyway, as I turned in my work notice to the place I was lucky to have called my job for 8 years, I felt my heart sink a little. I felt reality sink in that I was going to be depending on one income. Your dad was going to be the breadwinner. I have been working since I turned 16!! I worked every single year after that. Even through school and the college that I went to. So now, 17 years later, it felt WEIRD. It felt weird to even consider NOT working. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to do. Should I jump for joy? Should I stay quiet and feel "unworthy"? It was happening all so fast. Little did I know that I wasn't completely turning in my resignation for work. In fact, my "job" was about to begin. A whooooooole different kind of job that I wouldn't trade for anything.
The first three months after Nico was born, you remained in daycare Mattie. hehe.. sorry bud. But I needed a few months to get myself situated before I could handle the both of you! I'm not going to lie, it got rough a few times when I did have both of you like on the weekends. I wanted to pull my hair out actually because I didn't know how to juggle you both. I felt like a failure at times because how is it that I wanted to become a stay at home mom but I can't even handle my own kids?!? I was frustrated. I felt weaker than ever. Your dad was constantly making me feel better and just calm me. He recognized how tough it could become. He helped out even more. And I say more because he's ALWAYS been an amazing help. Seriously though, your dad has never said no to a diaper change, a bottle feed, and night watch. Never. He loves his role as a daddy. And when I say he helped out more, its because he just helped ME out more in giving me motivation.
As the weeks went by, times got easier! You both were adjusting to one another as far as schedules and it just went with the flow. I was becoming a master! Ha! Well in my head at least. I could handle you both and I didn't even have to scream or pull my hair out! =) of course not every day was a colorful day either. Being a stay at home mom is not an easy task. Some days this momma feels like Super Woman and then some days it's just 100% exhausting! But let me tell you, its gotta be one of the most rewarding things ever. Sometimes I sit back and wonder about my "plan". I don't think it ever even crossed my mind that I'd become a stay at home mom. I thought my plan was to start a career in physical therapy. I went to school for that and received my associate's degree. Unfortunately things didn't go in my favor and I got held back in this plan of mine due to me not being able to pass my exam. Do I feel like a failure? I'm not going to lie and say no. Sure I did do (at times). I feel like I wasted my college years and now, what do I have to show for it? I admire those who graduate and have gone ahead to start a better life for themselves. I may even get slightly jealous. only because that was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be an achiever to my family. I was supposed to make my parents proud. I was supposed to make your daddy proud. I want to make you proud. And then it occurs to me and I snap out of it. I DO make my family proud. I AM enough. I AM appreciated. I AM the heart of the home. Life didn't go as what I thought my plan was supposed to be. But you know what? It actually went BETTER. And it just keeps getting better. Every day I get to live my dream of staying home with my babies. Sure I don't work as a therapist. Actually, I don't even know if that's what I want to do anymore. (but that's another story) One day I will start a new job or may even choose to go back to school. Who knows!?! Things change from day to day and life will throw you some curveballs.
I knew I wanted to stay home and not just be the mom who would let the kiddos run wild and not do anything productive. I knew I wanted to convert the computer room into a little learning setting. I wanted to make crafts with you both. I wanted to be the teacher to my kids. But most of all, I wanted to share memories in this little room. Mattie, I will always remember your face when you first saw your play room. It was priceless. You walked in with the biggest smile on your face and you wanted to play with everything! You were so eager to sit at your table and just get started right away with whatever project I was going to have you get started with. You didn't care what it was but you knew it was going to be a fun one. This room holds a lot of happiness to me. And just recently Nico has gotten the used of just crawling to this area and just going at it. He is having a ball in here. When he sees you in the room, he immediately crawls over to the room and right away reaches to stand by the table to see what it is you are working on. He is ready to join you! And it's so cute to hear you say "no no no broyer... no no no. be careful." ::sigh::
A few months ago Mattie (before you started your real school) I was sitting on the couch playing with my phone. I know I was becoming a zombie on social media. I was so drawn onto my phone while you were next to me working on a puzzle. You asked for help and I said "you can do it Mateo. Keep trying." I didn't even look up from my phone!! You kept trying and trying and I could hear you getting desperate and losing hope. And then all of a sudden you say to me "Mami please... put down your phone and help me. please mami. Put down your phone alweady." and you got up and walked away to grab another toy. It was at that moment you had given up on the puzzle. You felt defeated by those wooden pieces. It was at that moment that my heart sank and I felt ashamed. How is it that my almost 3 year old (I know it was before your bday in May) had to tell me to literally put down my phone and simply help him? How many times has he seen me with my face buried on my phone that he had had enough of it and told me to stop? Social media is huuuuge now and I'm sure it will just keep getting bigger. But the fact is. I don't want it to interfere with you both. I don't want it to take over me. My focus and attention should be on you both not on celebrities or what so & so had for lunch that day. I hated seeing your little face asking for me to put down my phone. I hated feeling like all I did was be on my phone. That's not why I was given the opportunity to stay at home. That is NOT my role. My role is to be a mother. A care taker. A wife. Needless to say it was a wake up call. I won't lie and say I still don't get on my phone when given a small chance. But I will say that my attention has been veered to what matters most... And that's you. I have made myself understand life more and not depend it all on this device that was clearly getting in the way. I want to play. I want to nurture. I want to love.
My work here at home is NEVER done. There is always something to do!!! Stay at home moms don't always have their houses clean and the laundry all nice & done and dinner always served on a fancy plate. Pfffftttt are you kidding me!?! Hence the slowness of my blog writing. Sheeeeesh! (Sorry about that!) I have things to organize. I have things to wash. I have things to put away. I have things to get rid of. I have things to write on my blog. I have things I HAVE to do! But you know what keeps me from doing all those things in a hurry? The joy of watching you boys grow. I choose you before work. I can not express enough how grateful I am to just set aside my duties and just be with you both. You both are incredibly fun to hang out with and witness each brand new day with. Mateo you're becoming such a character with your personality. And Nico each day you continue to amaze me with your milestones and curiosity. Time is flying by. Next thing I know you both will be in elementary school, middle school, high school, then college! oh my my my!! I can't handle this right now. So I have learned that I will make memories with you both for as long as the Lord grants me life. I have so many pictures and videos on my phone that I need to upload for you. Its not even funny! Those simple memories just make my world go round and round.
For now, I am truly without a doubt enjoying being a stay at home mom. I am learning something new from you both every day. I don't EVER want you both to feel like you held me back from a certain plan in life. You are MY plan. I was given the precious gift of two little lives. I mean how amazing is that?!?
Here are a few pictures from last week of you both just hanging out =)
I love Nico's face here... He's so curious to see what's in that bag!
He's all smiles when he hangs out with his brother
"hey Mattie, when will it be MY turn?"
Why do I love being a stay at home mom? For up close MAGICAL moments like these....
The love you both have for one another is beyond amazing. I sound like a broken record but you two are THE sweetest and I love you both more and more by the seconds of my life! You're the best part of me. Simple as that.
Thank you.. thank you for giving me this ultimate JOY in life. This is exactly where I was meant to be.
This past weekend you went to go pick up a pizza with your daddy. On the way back out of no where you say out loud "daddy we should get mommy flowers. Please daddy!" Your daddy said he was in awe because just out of nowhere you said that. He says that at that moment he couldn't be more proud of the sweetheart that you are. It was with your kindness of the heart that you thought of me. Since yall had the pizza (very important lol) your daddy didn't stop but told you he promised to take you the next day to get me that surprise you so wanted to give me.
Next day comes and as promised, he takes you to the store and he says you pick out the flowers all on your own. <3 As you both head home, your face lights up in the back seat with so much excitement and you say "I can't want to see Mommy's face daddy! " Ernest said you were just so anxious to see my reaction. At that moment your daddy's eyes got teary eyed because your sweet face in the rear view mirror was just everything.
As you walked into the door you yell "mami, close your eyes!" And of course I play along and you just pull it from behind you and yell out "surprrrrriiiiise!" And it was at that moment that my face lit up with yours. It was at that moment that I realized it was the first time YOU picked out my flowers. YOU were bringing home flowers to the first love of your life... your mommy. And my heart couldn't be happier.
I wanted to write it down on the blog fast because it's just so fresh on my mind. Ernest told me the whole story leading up to the revealing of the flowers so he had me in tears. I can just imagine it in my head and my heart fills up with so much gratitude. I hope your sweetness remains this strong for many, many years. It's not about material things either. Remember that always ok? It's about the genuine heart you are carrying within. One day you will meet a special someone other than your momma who you would like to shower with these simple gestures & acknowledgements. ::sigh:: and you know what? That person will be the luckiest recipient ever!!
Thank you for my flowers my love... I absolutely LOOOOOVE them! By far the most prettiest flowers I've ever received.
